I am dangerously close to being shiny and happy. Ah, there’s a long way to go toward being fully actualized in a purely authentic life but I’m trying to allow myself happiness without first requiring a set of perfectly met goals. Choose to be fucking happy, sober kitten.
Today was the kind of day that three months ago would have had me in a passive aggressive rage. Coworker skipped out and left me with two fulltime jobs for the day. Exhale. Relax. No disaster is guaranteed to transpire while you’re short shifted. Choose to have a good day. I gathered myself in less than ten minutes and I had great day because I decided to and I committed to it. No matter what foolishness arose, sober kitten just kept purring along. And nothing bad happened.
I saw yesterday “those mountains you’ve been carrying around, you were only meant to climb them.” Inspirational internet signage. I’m not proud of incorporating inspirational internet signage into my personal philosophy. But I reminded myself all day that I only have to climb the mountain, don’t have to carry it.
It was freakin magic to put into practice the notion that I don’t have to carry the damned mountains. Because I carried the mountains for years and years until I broke down. And then, in my despair, crushed under the weight of a lifetime of collected mountains…I started to drink. And I don’t want to do that anymore. Nobody forced me to pick up any of them, it was all stress and unreasonable expectations that I put on myself. Hell, I built some of those mountains. I’m putting them down. It is time to put them down.