I never did cocaine, but I like to reference it. I don’t know why. Anyway, I just ate brown sugar straight out of the bag with a spoon so it’s fair to say that I’m still having issues with sugar. I know that it is pretty common for regular drinkers to crave sugar when they climb up on the wagon but my wagon is a candy cart.

I made a pretty radical change to my diet the same day I decided not to drink some 7 weeks or so ago. Side note, at day twenty-something I remember thinking that when I no longer knew how many days it had been, the habit would be broken. I no longer know the days dry number and the habit is broken but I’m early days of creating a sober life again. I’d like it to be better than my previous sober life because there was something off kilter there that allowed me to get lost in a parade of wine bottles, vodka bottles, beer bottles. All the bottles. Where was I?

Oh, oh, oh…changed my diet. Eliminated dairy, gluten, soda, processed food, nitrites, added tons of green vegetables, all the vegetables really, onions, fish. Truly my plates are the picture of health. I am following the Wahl’s Protocol which basically treats food as medicine. I figure my body needs all the help it can get to rectify four years of being pickled in booze.

But then it gets dark. And I want sugar. I used my fair trade 80% dark cocoa chocolate bar as a spoon for my coconut milk all natural gluten-free dairy-free ice cream. I used hard sugar to eat soft sugar. I eat those soft fruit chewy candies that are literally sugar rolled in other sugar. I just ate brown sugar out of the bag. Out of the bag!

I chose not to demand 100% compliance with clean eating during these first few sober weeks. If I sugar graze at midnight, so be it. Keeping sober in the middle of the night is more important. But still, at some point I have to kick this sugar transference. I have this vision of myself snorting Pixie Stix like cocaine and it makes me laugh. None the less, it must stop. At some point. Some day.