As in a hurry as I feel to get everything “right”, I think I’m not done resting. I think that impatience, that intolerance of imperfection led me to a real mess. What I do right now in my free time is not drink. Read. Go to the gym. Eat healthy food. Watch documentaries in bed. Snuggle with my dog. I am protecting myself still. Allowing space and time to recover from treating myself very badly for a few years. I think that’s ok. It’s still the first two months after 4, 5 years of being utterly sick in anxiety and alcohol. I have small victories every day. We’ll move on to bigger ones when I’m a bit more sturdy.
“And if I was a child and the child was enough, enough for me to love” 💜 Stevie Nicks gets me.
Nursing Grudges and Liquor 
Yes. Rest. You need it. Not just your body but your mind and soul too. Give yourself all the time you need. It’s going to take time. Maybe a lot. But that’s okay.
Time takes time.
Pray. Meditate. Go to some meetings and share with other people. Rest. Heal.
LikeLike
Thank you for reading and taking the time to give encouragement. It has been almost 60 days and I’m doing well but definitely still in the healing phase of things. Which I kind of like. After having failed to care for myself for many years longer than I was a drinker, it is new and quite liberating to prioritize self care.
LikeLike
It gets BETTER. You are on the right path. In the rooms we say don’t leave before the miracles happen. But for you they are happening already. Right now. Just breathe and BE.
LikeLike
Thank you. My difficulty just breathing and being is probably how I ended up drinking too much. Anxiety is my primary problem. Alcohol was a symptom. Which is cruel bc alcohol makes anxiety worse. I’m not 12 stepping but I have a shrink, have been steadily making lifestyle changes and getting control of anxiety, and there is a lot of support here just reading other people’s thoughts on their own stuff. Thanks for taking the time to interact. It really is encouraging, reinforces my feeling that I made the right decision.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Try meditation. There is a calm place inside of you that you can fid. And the 12 step programs work. I’m proof of that. Over 80 years ago two drunks discovered that just talking to each other about their drinking.
LikeLike
Those two drunks founded Alcoholics Anonymous. The program works.
LikeLike