So yesterday was good. Today I was awash in a sea of anxiety. Lots of little reasons. No real reason. Anxiety disorder the primary reason. So much I wanted to get done before leaving town. Got overwhelmed and paralyzed, could not start. Total waste of a day. Will be time crunched tomorrow. Speaking in complete…
Yes I did. Yesterday I did nothing except not drink and remind myself that if all I do in a day is keep sober then it's a productive day. Yes, at first glance this philosophy sounds like the lazy person's gold standard of excuse making. Except that it's not. If my day is lounging around…
Well first, I just watched that debate sober. So yay me! Today was a do-nothing day. Did nothing but stay sober. And think a bit. What I don't want is to be a lazy drunk getting fatter and sadder and waiting to die. Not long before I stopped drinking, I was starting to wonder what…
I struggled mightily with anxiety last night. Today was not magnificent but I survived the bad night and I made it through the day and I'm back home in my bed. Still sober. I don't have to drink. I knew for at least three years that I needed to dial it back. But I just…
If I ever string together four good days in a row, I might throw myself a victory parade. I am writing at this moment because I am overcome by anxiety. Heart beating fast, arms tingling, feeling of impending doom...if hadn't worked cardiovascular icu I would be guessing stroke or heart attack. Mind racing. All I…
Today I did things. Things neglected while I was filling my off time with beer and wine and vodka. I took precious puppy to vet for a dental cleaning and a neuter. He wasn't neutered when I found him and I could never sort out whether it would be better to do it or leave…
I have been watching Born This Way, an excellent show on A&E that follows young adults with Down Syndrome. The episode I watched tonight was Dream Come True. A young lady was competing in her first ballroom dance competition, an endeavor which made her parents nervous when she insisted on pursuing it. They were afraid…
It has been 60 days since I have had a drop of alcohol. This time last year I was pleased that I lasted 24 hours dry at my grandmother's. I have to admit, I am pretty proud of that 60 day mark. It is a huge accomplishment for me and also a beginning point, not…
Tomorrow I absolutely must get out of bed. Take a shower. Put on clothes. Go outside. I don't know why these were unappealing tasks today but I gave into sloth and just laid here watching Frasier on Netflix and reading blogs. And napping with the dog. One of the things that has changed in these…
Oh boy. Life things happened today. Uncomfortable emotions. I did not like the way that felt. It took hours to push through. I wanted to pull the covers over my head. My waves of tolerable emotion were building to hurricane force winds and I wanted a beer and a nap. Hello, avoidance, my old friend.…
Nursing Grudges and Liquor 