*Sigh* I have been in hell for three weeks. I want to get drunk and fall into that fuzzy suspended animation at least twice a week. I see so much wasted time, wasted love, wasted me. Why have I NOT gotten drunk? It is suggested to me as a solution to my pain by well-meaning…
That's a big number. Somehow realizing I had not been drinking for two or three days became not drinking for 175 more days. Not really "somehow" more like "I finally had e-fucking-nough." I had enough. I had drunk all the vodka and whiskey and wine and beer. I had frequented all the liquor stores. I had…
I am miserable. I want to get drunk and forget that I exist. I have cried so much over the last week. So much. I cannot believe the amount of pain that this man has brought into my life over the last twenty years. The ten that we were together, I don't know how often…
2016 came to a god awful end. Two days after Christmas I was still asleep with plans to get up early and drive 400 miles to see my family after spending the holidays at work. My cell rang with the area code where I used to live out west. Where my old boyfriend still lives.…
Probably lots of things. Probably managing your dental hygiene is a pretty low-level adult skill. Like "does not leave front door open all night." Or "pays electric bill at least eight times a year." But I hate going to the dentist so here we are. A molar with a huge filling broke and I had no…
In 2010 I was 35 and I rarely drank. By the end of 2012 I knew I was drinking too much. I had a couple of semi-horrifying decisions under my belt (or my bed?) proving that Drunk Girl really should not have the keys to my life. In 2013 I was moderately concerned I might…
I was worried about my cat for weeks, finally got up the courage to take him to the vet and she just called to confirm his labs came back and he is fine. Just skinny by nature. And spoiled into picky eating. $250 to find out I enabled my cat into only eating tuna and…
I took my cat to the vet today. This involved overcoming great anxiety about the certainty that I would receive bad news. He has been losing weight regardless of how much i supplement his food. I cried waiting and when the vet came in and said "You have a very ssss" I thought she was…
The power is out. Thunderstorms. After Thanksgiving!! So now I am anxious that I will oversleep. I went and bought a battery alarm clock because the one I have is not impressed by the battery and will not turn on. I am anxious that I will be late to work even if I wake up…
So as I was in bed in the late afternoon, the weight of unknown anxieties sitting on me, a voice from deep inside said "Just try. You have to TRY." I managed to get up. Shower. Do some laundry. Clean out the refrigerator and take out the recycling. I went to the grocery store and…
Nursing Grudges and Liquor 