I am one week shy of one year of sobriety. I had no idea when I quit drinking that the easiest part was going to be not putting alcohol to my lips. A few weeks of reading sober blogs, like alllllll the sober blogs, to keep myself goal focused (and also really to keep myself…
The weather is warm. Because I quit drinking last summer I think the sights and sounds and smells are drawing my attention to time. I used to plug the date into a "days since" calculator every couple of days and I remember getting into the twenties and thinking "Holy shit, I think I'm gonna make…
My father told me over and over since I was a little girl that if you can't say what you want, you can't expect to get it. In many ways, I do speak up for myself but I am much better at "no, I don't want that" than at verbalizing what I do want. Even…
Last night I went to a show on my own. Someone I have listened to since childhood. I was happy to go alone, I saw tickets available and did not feel like trying to find anyone to come with me. I don't need to sit beside someone I know in order to grant myself permission…
I know, I know...I am mixing boot metaphors. But I am tired. Mixed metaphors are the best I can do. Keeping in mind that I work 12 hour shifts, working 9 out of 11 days is brutal. I can't keep this up. I feel like I did when I was drinking....exhausted, angry, sad, dragging into…
*Sigh* I have been in hell for three weeks. I want to get drunk and fall into that fuzzy suspended animation at least twice a week. I see so much wasted time, wasted love, wasted me. Why have I NOT gotten drunk? It is suggested to me as a solution to my pain by well-meaning…
That's a big number. Somehow realizing I had not been drinking for two or three days became not drinking for 175 more days. Not really "somehow" more like "I finally had e-fucking-nough." I had enough. I had drunk all the vodka and whiskey and wine and beer. I had frequented all the liquor stores. I had…
Probably lots of things. Probably managing your dental hygiene is a pretty low-level adult skill. Like "does not leave front door open all night." Or "pays electric bill at least eight times a year." But I hate going to the dentist so here we are. A molar with a huge filling broke and I had no…
In 2010 I was 35 and I rarely drank. By the end of 2012 I knew I was drinking too much. I had a couple of semi-horrifying decisions under my belt (or my bed?) proving that Drunk Girl really should not have the keys to my life. In 2013 I was moderately concerned I might…
Friday night I rushed to a concert straight after work. I ran in there in my scrubs but I didn't care. I was tired but I wanted to see the show and I wanted to get this first sober concert in the books. It has been a few years since I was at a show without…
Nursing Grudges and Liquor 