I am one week shy of one year of sobriety. I had no idea when I quit drinking that the easiest part was going to be not putting alcohol to my lips. A few weeks of reading sober blogs, like alllllll the sober blogs, to keep myself goal focused (and also really to keep myself…
And I feel like nothing has changed except that can't be true. I have been sober for over 10 months. I am face to face with an anxiety disorder that I am soooooo sick and tired of. Nothing to dull the racing heart and feelings of impending doom. Just me and the invisible tiger that…
The weather is warm. Because I quit drinking last summer I think the sights and sounds and smells are drawing my attention to time. I used to plug the date into a "days since" calculator every couple of days and I remember getting into the twenties and thinking "Holy shit, I think I'm gonna make…
March. Never trust it. March will smile at you with blooming flowers and then hurl snow, tornadoes and flu germs at you in a heartbeat. Longtime allergy warrior here so the I am quite sure the wildly swinging temperatures are contributing to my misery. I also feel like my body just broke down. I got…
My father told me over and over since I was a little girl that if you can't say what you want, you can't expect to get it. In many ways, I do speak up for myself but I am much better at "no, I don't want that" than at verbalizing what I do want. Even…
Last night I went to a show on my own. Someone I have listened to since childhood. I was happy to go alone, I saw tickets available and did not feel like trying to find anyone to come with me. I don't need to sit beside someone I know in order to grant myself permission…
On my 232nd day of sobriety, I found myself pulling the covers over my head and stuffing cotton in my ears to drown out the sound of a chainsaw somewhere outside which for some reason was making me horribly anxious. Aren't I supposed to be running through mists of rainbows living a fully invigorating life…
Last December I was drinking too much. Too much. Too often. Beer was my drink of choice at that time. Not really of choice, more of failing compromise. I never liked beer. I genuinely enjoyed red wines and cocktails with a vodka base. Unfortunately after a while I could put down an entire bottle of…
I really haven't much to say. Still sober. Still anxious. Back on medicine for about a week. Face broken out. Feeling fat. Feeling failed. Blah. I don't know. All the shit that I was running from when I fell headfirst into a bottle is still there. I feel sad. And lonely. And I wish I…
I know, I know...I am mixing boot metaphors. But I am tired. Mixed metaphors are the best I can do. Keeping in mind that I work 12 hour shifts, working 9 out of 11 days is brutal. I can't keep this up. I feel like I did when I was drinking....exhausted, angry, sad, dragging into…
Nursing Grudges and Liquor 