I stopped drinking two years ago next month. I really needed to stop drinking. I was going to have health problems of the irreversible variety if I didn't get control of the alcohol situation. In just five or so years of drinking too much I was bloated and pale and sick to death of waking…
And I feel like nothing has changed except that can't be true. I have been sober for over 10 months. I am face to face with an anxiety disorder that I am soooooo sick and tired of. Nothing to dull the racing heart and feelings of impending doom. Just me and the invisible tiger that…
March. Never trust it. March will smile at you with blooming flowers and then hurl snow, tornadoes and flu germs at you in a heartbeat. Longtime allergy warrior here so the I am quite sure the wildly swinging temperatures are contributing to my misery. I also feel like my body just broke down. I got…
On my 232nd day of sobriety, I found myself pulling the covers over my head and stuffing cotton in my ears to drown out the sound of a chainsaw somewhere outside which for some reason was making me horribly anxious. Aren't I supposed to be running through mists of rainbows living a fully invigorating life…
Last December I was drinking too much. Too much. Too often. Beer was my drink of choice at that time. Not really of choice, more of failing compromise. I never liked beer. I genuinely enjoyed red wines and cocktails with a vodka base. Unfortunately after a while I could put down an entire bottle of…
I really haven't much to say. Still sober. Still anxious. Back on medicine for about a week. Face broken out. Feeling fat. Feeling failed. Blah. I don't know. All the shit that I was running from when I fell headfirst into a bottle is still there. I feel sad. And lonely. And I wish I…
I know, I know...I am mixing boot metaphors. But I am tired. Mixed metaphors are the best I can do. Keeping in mind that I work 12 hour shifts, working 9 out of 11 days is brutal. I can't keep this up. I feel like I did when I was drinking....exhausted, angry, sad, dragging into…
We are short a nurse and a half at work. A nurse and a half, you ask? Yes. One because...and I'm not making this up...one got drunk and broke her leg (at home at least) and one half because our last new hire from a few months ago is slightly more useful than absolutely useless.…
I am really surprised that I am having to make a daily choice not to drink. I guess that was overconfidence since I have only been dry for six months but it *felt* like "I want a drink" was behind me. I had not had a crisis or a heartbreak cross my path in that…
"These mountains you've been carrying, you were only meant to climb." I have been carrying so many mountains. I have been carrying other people's mountains. Weighted down by a past so heavy I can't even lift my eyes up to see the road in front of me. If I had climbed the mountain and...much like…
Nursing Grudges and Liquor 