I know, I know...I am mixing boot metaphors. But I am tired. Mixed metaphors are the best I can do. Keeping in mind that I work 12 hour shifts, working 9 out of 11 days is brutal. I can't keep this up. I feel like I did when I was drinking....exhausted, angry, sad, dragging into…
We are short a nurse and a half at work. A nurse and a half, you ask? Yes. One because...and I'm not making this up...one got drunk and broke her leg (at home at least) and one half because our last new hire from a few months ago is slightly more useful than absolutely useless.…
I am really surprised that I am having to make a daily choice not to drink. I guess that was overconfidence since I have only been dry for six months but it *felt* like "I want a drink" was behind me. I had not had a crisis or a heartbreak cross my path in that…
"These mountains you've been carrying, you were only meant to climb." I have been carrying so many mountains. I have been carrying other people's mountains. Weighted down by a past so heavy I can't even lift my eyes up to see the road in front of me. If I had climbed the mountain and...much like…
*Sigh* I have been in hell for three weeks. I want to get drunk and fall into that fuzzy suspended animation at least twice a week. I see so much wasted time, wasted love, wasted me. Why have I NOT gotten drunk? It is suggested to me as a solution to my pain by well-meaning…
That's a big number. Somehow realizing I had not been drinking for two or three days became not drinking for 175 more days. Not really "somehow" more like "I finally had e-fucking-nough." I had enough. I had drunk all the vodka and whiskey and wine and beer. I had frequented all the liquor stores. I had…
I am miserable. I want to get drunk and forget that I exist. I have cried so much over the last week. So much. I cannot believe the amount of pain that this man has brought into my life over the last twenty years. The ten that we were together, I don't know how often…
2016 came to a god awful end. Two days after Christmas I was still asleep with plans to get up early and drive 400 miles to see my family after spending the holidays at work. My cell rang with the area code where I used to live out west. Where my old boyfriend still lives.…
Probably lots of things. Probably managing your dental hygiene is a pretty low-level adult skill. Like "does not leave front door open all night." Or "pays electric bill at least eight times a year." But I hate going to the dentist so here we are. A molar with a huge filling broke and I had no…
In 2010 I was 35 and I rarely drank. By the end of 2012 I knew I was drinking too much. I had a couple of semi-horrifying decisions under my belt (or my bed?) proving that Drunk Girl really should not have the keys to my life. In 2013 I was moderately concerned I might…
Nursing Grudges and Liquor 